ON HEARING IT RE-AFFIRMED AND RE-ARTICULATED
Today we had a family date. Took the kid out to lunch and to the movies. We all enjoyed watching Brave.
I was amused that Merida struggles to get to CHOOSE to live her own life the way she sees fit. And I was thrilled that she remains SINGLE at the end of the movie because she hasn't yet chosen. It's her story to write. DH and I both liked that -- not just for kid but for us.
We all get one life. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You really do write your own story and live it like you want to live it.
We were feeling all kooshy. We'd had a heart to heart on the couch about old relationships and jealousies and problems with exes. We'd made love intensely and with some edge play -- after finding second wind somewhere.
On the drive to the restaurant and at lunch we'd been talking over her head. (conversation already in progress: we're talking about Poly & kink)
Me: You know we're playing with two separate things here right?
Me: So while that crush is there, take that name off the table for games in the dark to be teasing me with. If I really decide to woo him to be a spotter in a scene, it gets too be too fuzzy border there for me to play like a Jedi in poly world. It's already fuzzy enough. I don't need crossovers yet.
DH: I can see that.
Me: How are you feeling about all that?
DH: Buckets? Mind, body, heart, soul? They are all good.
Me: I know I keep checking in a lot. After a point I'll let it go and then just trust you to articulate if you have a problem. I probably guard your buckets more so than my own as a married.
DH: I know. But I like hearing it spoken out loud. Articulated.
Me: Me too. I need it re-affirmed. That you are ok and on board every step of the way. It's sort of like when we were younger.
Me: Yes. Remember we used to do that weather channel thing all the time when we were first learning each other as lovers? "Does this feel good? Do you like this? Is this alright?" Then after a while we let it go and don't bother to check in on that anymore. It's been learned. The common vocabulary there has been established. Some things are also earned -- you can take a lot of liberties I would not have allowed at first.
DH: Yup. It's the same here. Temperature checks. I feel very secure, and good about it. But I do like hearing it out loud.
Me: Cool. I like that you are secure. I feel calm and secure. But I also like hearing it out loud. I'm almost done with my pass through the book.
DH: Which one? Ethical (Slut)?
Me: Yup. You want to go through it alone or together next -- I'm good either way. But I do want to have common vocab built so we're all on the same page. Probably should talk later about covering ground sensibly and doing some exercise in there just for sake of completeness. But yeah... I'm good either way.
DH: Mm. Alright. I know you are good either way. (making a sexy/rude gesture with his hands.)
Me: See now you are just flirting. And not being especially stealthy about it.
DH: Sure I am. It's just YOU who knows what that means. And check it out... it's totally the smile. It goes to the eyes. (We'd been oogling our waitress)
Me: Where? Ah. Agreed. Totally the smile.
DH: (grinning) See? And you didn't have a cow or get all excited.
Me: Why would I have a cow? That's so minor. Remind me later to tell you about major transgressions when things are NOT earned.
Me: Old relationships -- the first ex.
DH: Ok. Bookmarked it.