08-12-2012, 03:52 AM
Join Date: Jun 2012
BITS TO COVER EVENTUALLY
(Excerpt from this thread.)
I can relate.
We're not at the "let's take the plunge!" place because we are not opening up during active childcare / eldercare phase of life we are in right now. Plates are FULL. And what would my dates do? Help chase my dad around to see if he's cheeking his meds? (laugh)
But we decided to Open Up in Mind and Heart even if not in Body and Soul just yet. Try it on for size in our heads and hearts to see where we are at.
1) I came out out or lurker mode here to start actively posting and participating. To give something back to a board I've read for years, and to start mingling with people I am not used to communicating with and who are not used to me. Isn't that part of the dating thing? He reads over my shoulder and we try things on for size there -- look at this post prob. How would YOU handle it?
2) We reviewed our rights and responsibilities and updated a bit so they are sleeker. Kicking the tires on that and finding they still can fly.
3) Gotten more formal at bucket checks at my house. "Where you at? In mind? Body? Heart? Soul?" Even the kid is reporting like this. LOL.
4) Gotten more formal at asking for clear wants, needs, and soft/hard limits on things around here. Even if it is just plans for dinner. To get back in shape there. (Child told me she WANTS mac and cheese. She could be ok NEEDING to eat somewhere with no mac and cheese. But she has a HARD LIMIT on sushi because we eat there too much lately and she's bored of it. I giggled -- she was so cute.)
5) Covered Ethical Slut and Opening Up exercises -- or slowly meandering through them. Ditto morethantwo and serolynne.
6) Covered configurations we might want -- V? N? quad? And who dates first? WHEN at the soonest? Because both dating amps the polymath fast, and there's the stress scale to consider. With dad how he is, I'm looking 63 hit points on my character in the game of Life dude -- NOT the time to be Opening, right? Right.
7) Covered the depth/time on these extra-marital rships -- friends with benefits? Other life partner? Cohabitating? what?
8) Who is OFF limits to date - Ex: my mother! My sister! My boss! (that stuff)
9) How "out" we want to be. How to be good spouses to each other (ORE) even when with new Spice (NRE) and how to be decent metamours to the other people.
10) Revisiting old memories of our dating past -- to each other, and not to each other. Sore spots and joys those rships had.
11) Talking about coping with jealousy, illness, std, pregnancy oops, nutjobs, risks, and if opening up causes the breaking up of the marriage. How to split up well.
12) Assumptions, expectations, desires. Reasons for opening up reality-tested.
13) Making repairs on our tier -- spending more time together as a couple to rebond, reconnect, reaffirm. (Eldercare and childcare take a DING on couplecare. We are prioritizing ourselves more.)
14) Building common vocabulary -- to make sure we are on the same page, using the same words that MEAN the same thing.
15) Spending time on polymath and polysaturation, safer sex, etc.
Not done talking and not everything and we are not in any hurry. But in case it helps you.