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Old 08-11-2012, 06:16 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by Wolfwood View Post
That's great! May I ask you for some details about those relationships? Mainly, (1) how did you meet those women and (2) how/when did you tell them about your primary? Oh, and were you married and/or living with your primary at the time?
Actually, I wasn't including lovefromgirl in my count, since she knew all about poly when I met her, even though she hadn't had a poly relationship at that time. I was referring to people who were utterly unfamiliar with the concept when I met them.

To answer your questions:
1. I met one in person, sitting next to her on a long-distance flight. I met the other online, playing a game (Diablo II), and we became friends for a long while, since she was married at the time. It was a nominally monogamous marriage with a sort of DADT thing.

2. The first lady knew about my partner and poly by the end of the flight. The other knew I was in a relationship and poly well before we met in person, and before anything romantic happened.

Originally Posted by Wolfwood View Post
In my humble opinion, sexual energy exchange between two (or more) people is what separates friendships from relationships. Therefore, the way I define things, "sexual relationship" is actually a redundant term.
Thanks for your definition - that certainly clarifies your language and paradigms. I have a very different view of romantic relationships and sex.

The big issue with lies of omission is that there can be mismatched priorities between two people. Assumptions are made based on those priorities and that can lead to trouble ("Well, he should KNOW that him being in a relationship already is important and should disclose that right up-front" vs. "I don't care what other relationships he is in, since this is about him and me."). So not being honest can potentially ruin something really good - a relationship based form the start on a foundation of honesty. I think that it depends very much on how much you value honesty and integrity in a relationship as to how to approach these things.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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