Originally Posted by Wolfwood
Well, to be fair to the guy, his method is effective.. especially if the girl has no experience with polyamory. That's partially the reason I started this thread. I wanted to hear stories of single girls (with no poly history) who met poly-guys (who have primaries) and dated them, knowing they were poly from the get-go. Are there any stories like that around here? It's easy to say, "guys should do this" and "guys should do that", but I'm more curious about what is effective.
effective, probably yes, if sex is what your looking for. I assume that it's easier to get a girl to sleep with you when she thinks you're single.
But, if you're looking for a real relationship I don't think not being upfront about your relationship status, is a good idea. I know I would stop dating a guy if he waited telling me about the significance of his other relationships until after a couple of dates (and 'implying that you see other people' would not be good enough for me). If the full disclosure happened after we had sex, I'd be really pissed.
I'm a secondary to 2 guys (well, I was until one of them broke up with his other GF). I met both of them on an online poly dating site. Both their profiles clearly stated what kind of other relationships they were in at the time. In the first email exchange we would always share a lot of info about our lives. Of course, because I already know about poly, I would ask all the necessary questions. A girl who knows nothing about poly will maybe not ask these questions and assume that a guy who is interested in her, is single. I think its the responsibility of the guy to tell her what the deal is.
For a year, I was 'casually dating' - lots of very short relationships, sometimes 2 or 3 dates that were mostly about sex, and even with those, I wanted to know the relationship status of the guys. Most of them were single, a couple of them in open relationships. But in that case, I felt it was my responsibility to ask. (There was one case where I did not ask. I chose not to. I later found out he had lied.)