Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
That's a rationalization for them not caring about your feelings in the slightest and doing what they damn well wanted to while hoping to not get caught.
Yes, I agree with you. Because they have owned up to this fact that at the end of the day they did not do the honorable thing and communicate with me ahead of time, my primary question for them was, when was the time going to be right to tell me? When you did tell me, would you have told me this has been going on for x weeks/months, or acted as if this is something we want now (leaving me to believe it hasn't happened before)
Each of them separately say they blame themselves, and know they were wrong and knew they didn't tell me because i explicitly said i wasn't comfortable with them being intimate without me yet. (and yes I did not set a time limit- me being unrealistic and naive and new)
I do count this as strike 1, and that for bf-lie of omission, and gf-blatant dishonesty (because I have specifically asked her if she wanted to be intimate with bf without multiple times, has this occurred, and her response was always "this is not something I want right now, and I wouldn't do that to you (lie and then do it anyway), and I don't even know when we would have the time and opportunity to be intimate without you anyway"
I am still trying to understand the forms of non-monogamy and what it is I want for my future so I can communicate this on all tiers.
Thanks for your response and giving me your perspective.