Originally Posted by butterflieluv
The overlapping reason from both of them is that they both didn't tell me what was happening because they didn't want to hurt me emotionally and didn't know how I would react.
I'd say that's so much bullshit. That's a rationalization for them not caring about your feelings in the slightest and doing what they damn well wanted to while hoping to not get caught.
Until they own up to choosing to do what they knew would hurt you, I don't see much hope for your relationships.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.