I'll preface this by saying that I've never really "dated" - so I am not sure how that whole dynamic goes (I'm sure I would hate it).
Anyone that I would be potentially involved with/interested in would know that I had another partner/other partners just by talking to me for 5 minutes. At this point in my life even a casual fling couldn't miss it ("Hold on a sec...let me txt my husband and let him know what hotel to pick me up at in the morning." - Actually, a baby version of this happened when we were last in Vegas - Some guy is totally trying to pick me up, I say, "Let me check and see when my husband wants to meet up for dinner..." we set a time and pick-up guy goes back to nibbling on my ear. At the appointed time MrS shows up and introduces himself, I thank ear-nibbler for a lovely afternoon, and we head off to dinner.)
If they boys ever start dating I would expect them to be upfront from before the beginning about being involved with someone else but not exclusive. How do you even have a conversation on a date where you don't talk about what is going on in your life? (i.e. "The other day my girlfriend and I were at the park and this funny thing happened." "Oh, you like sci-fi? So does my wife - she thinks I should read >insert title here< - what do you think? Did you like that one?")
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe