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Old 08-09-2012, 10:39 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Schoolme, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. You are not damaged goods, and it was not your fault. I think Bear and Beauty have been trying to give you space to heal, without quite knowing how to go about doing that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Just when you need the reconnection and healing of consensual loving sex, they can't or won't provide it?

That just seems very cold and unfeeling and uncompassionate of them. If my gf was ever raped, and expressed desire for me afterwards, I would be more than happy to provide the loving yumminess!

How long have you known this couple? It sounds like you are seeing a side of them that is none too pleasant. My sympathies and heart goes out to you.
Beauty goes by the username "PinkDragon" here and her blog is called Rhinestone Ramblings. She hasn't posted in a few weeks, but did mention that she has waffled about being in a poly situation, and also wrote about the rape in her blog, and seemed to be very concerned about not pushing anything on schoolme (whom she calls "Lovely"). To me, it sounds like they want to be gentle and aren't really sure what to do:

Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkDragon View Post
A lot has happened. The relationship with Lovely has been progressing nicely. She doesn't know that I have flipped and flopped and waffled about the whole poly thing. I've had some personal issues to work out. I have driven poor Bear insane with all the do I/don't I issues.

One day I'm really happy with the whole thing and the next day I'm not. I think that might be normal. I'm finding my groove I guess.


. . . She is so hurt in body and spirit . . . And there's nothing I can do.

I can feed her, hold her, pet her, let her know she's safe... but I cannot take away her pain. I cannot erase the memory. I cannot heal her body. I cannot heal her spirit.

I know that my feelings are piddling compared to hers (and also that I am fully within the normal range of emotion to be feeling the way I feel), and I am more concerned about her than me. But still... I rarely feel helpless... incapable of helping someone else, and this is my lover that is wounded.

. . . long walks, therapy, trips to the pool, popcorn, movies, hand holding, lots of prayer, fuzzy kittens, roasted marshmallows, beating on the punching dummy (yes, I have a Bob), letting her cry when she wants to cry, rage when she wants to rage, love when she wants to love ... and in time she will heal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkDragon View Post
Because it makes her feel safe, she's sleeping in the bed with us, between us. Though she doesn't want Bear to touch her sexually, she does know that he /will/ protect her and just being beside him is helping.

Because I didn't know what her head space was when she got her I told her that I wouldn't touch her unless she told me to. She said, "I'm not going to break." LOL We actually fooled around a little night before last. I think she needed to know for sure that I don't think she's dirty or sullied. Everything was above the waist kissing, caressing, etc. . . . This morning when we woke up we laid in the bed curled up together just kind of kissing and petting each other a bit. Not quite platonic, but not with the intention of having sex either. Kwim?

Whatever she needs, we will supply. Safety, rest, love, good food, shoulders to cry on, etc.
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 08-09-2012 at 10:43 PM.
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