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Old 08-09-2012, 06:45 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
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In online dating, it seems pretty common for the man to be fully upfront about the fact that he has a primary partner. I've seen many profiles where the man states clearly that he is married or has a primary girlfriend.

I was specifically searching for non-monogamous men when I encountered these profiles. Or, if the profiles belonged to men who messaged me first, they were drawn to my profile because I state that I am ethically non-monogamous.

I would want anyone I go on a date with to be immediately clear that they have a primary partner. I can't imagine why that would NOT come up on a first date? It seems slightly deceitful not to mention it.

I suppose that in terms of casual dating and dating around, non-exclusivity is the default state and it is assumed that everyone is seeing others. My approach to poly does kind of come from that style of dating--I would assume that anyone I meet is probably involved with someone else, at least casually.

But NOT everyone is coming from that perspective--so why not just be clear about it from the get-go?

Particularly with online dating. I mean, your ultimate goal is to find someone who accepts and understands your primary relationship, right? So why not openly seek someone on those terms?

I do understand that if you pick someone up at a party or something, the expectations are casual so maybe you don't have to say that you have a primary partner. But what would be the advantages of omitting that information?

Fyi, I'm happily single and NOT looking for someone to be my primary partner. I would be very comfortable with someone telling me they had a primary partner right away. I would NOT be comfortable with finding out later (i.e., the next morning or on a later date) that they have a primary partner and omitting telling me right away.
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