MFF Triad Went Horribly Wrong-Help Needed
I am really in need of the opinions of others who can give me a different perspective on what is happening in my life.
My long-term male boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now (no children) and from the very start he knew I was a bisexual female. Because of this, over the 5 year span, we have had one-time threesome encounters with 3 different women, 2/3 neither of us have communication with afterwards, and 1/3 we are casual friends with now with no sexual connection.
This is something I initially agreed to because I felt that having a threesome would allow me to express both sides of my sexuality and help him live out a male fantasy.
Somewhere down the line, I decided I wanted more than just one-night stand , and we decided to look for a full triad mff relationship.
8 months ago I met my girlfriend who I fell in love with quickly because we had so much in common, I loved her personality, and we agreed on what we wanted in a future. When I met her, she was married to a man for 7 years, but was ending the marriage due to his infidelity. All 3 of us while she was married for her to become the 3rd person in our triad. (she is now divorced)
Things were going great at first, and together, when we were all three together, everything was going well both sexually and just in general as a relationship.
From the beginning, we had set clear boundaries that:
-him and her could not have sex behind my back
-no lies, no secrets, we all 3 needed to be included
-I was not comfortable with him performing oral sex on her
These boundaries were set because I needed time to become more comfortable with sharing both a gf and a bf.
Last week I found out that him and her have been sexting each other and having sex behind my back multiple times for the last 2 1/2 months (I found out because I was using her phone and the text messages popped up- so I read the previous messages). I also found out he has been having oral sex with her, even though I specifically asked him not to as a boundary.
When I confronted them both, their response was that they knew it was wrong and it just happened and they were going to tell me when the time was right. They also said they were doing it to "fill holes" because he wanted sex more often that when we all had sex together.
I am now just confused, nauseated, and extremely hurt because both of them I love, and I trusted them both, as both romantic partners and as best friends.
I don't know what to do now because both of them claim they don't wanna be without me, but I now feel uncomfortable seeing them interact at all because I feel like the outsider and rejected now.
I also feel so hurt that even with each of them by themselves, I feel I don't trust them or anything they tell me now.
They both said they want to prove they are trustworthy and not interact with each other, just me, putting me in a V where I'm the hinge. At this point, I don't want this either, and I don't want to lose them both, but feel like I need to either choose one or the other, or leave both of them. This is difficult to do because I already feel so alone.