To me you sound like you have a limit but are unwilling to enforce the consequences.
So then you end up compromising yourself. And feeling all *ghlerk.*
Look, if you have limits because you have an underage son, or because of where you live, or because of where you work, or...whatever? And you don't want custody battle hassles with the ex hearing weird or people calling DCF on ya for your alternative lifestyle...
(And I think poly and kinky parents can be totally good parents, btw, but this is a reality of other people not getting poly or kink and making serious waves in their lives)
... then your sweeties ought to love you and acknowledge that for now, while you are a mom to an underage kid, you have special needs and some soft limits that could in time (when the kid is grown) change to something more fluid and flexible. They also need to dial it down around your family and friends who are NOT part of the kink community because it makes waves for you in your mundane life. Why are your sweeties, if they love you so, making extra waves for you?
They don't respect that? They don't want to get
that? They don't much respect you. Period.
I apologize if that is Hard to Hear. I am saying this kindly. Get CLEAR with your sweeties on your limits. Both soft limits (can negotiate in time) and hard limits. (will never change over time). What happens if those limits are crossed.
In my universe? It's on 3 strikes you are out,
dude. I don't need to deal in Muppet Show wacky. Play like honorable Jedi or don't play with me.
I need my life to be drama free for my own mental and emotional health. Muppet show wacky is fun to watch on TV. But I don't need to LIVE there.
AND since you kink... if you happen to sub? Do you REALLY want to sub to a dom that WILL NOT respect your non-kink boundaries? When do the kink ones get trespassed then? That's taking it to seriously dangerous
territory and you have a kid to think about. Think well.