Originally Posted by WhatHappened
We all made our choices, but it doesn't change the fact that when a golden ticket to the promised land is offered, so to speak, it's very hard to say no, when someone appealing wants to give you the world and love and admiration and affection. Both these things are true at the same time: he offered something very hard to resist and I made my choice to accept.
He himself is asking the question: should he have offered, having seen from his own experience that the married with single imbalance often leads to exactly the kind of pain his former GF experienced?
Hmm. It sure sounds like, to you, that "golden ticket" of love, admiration, affection, and commitment can only be had in a relationship in which two people are entwined and focused solely on each other. You don't seem to believe that love is expansive, and can include many people. But a person's satisfaction, fulfillment, and happiness should never be dependent upon their relationships anyway. That is an inside job. And, believe me, that golden ticket can be had in other scenarios. One can find love, admiration, affection, and commitment and not be totally dependent on one person to give that, nor to expect exclusivity in order to have all of that. For me, my poly dream is to have several lovers and remain independent, without having my life totally entwined with anyone else's. My poly dream is not that rare, either. You seem to assume that disappointment is automatic when someone loves a person who also loves another.