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Old 08-08-2012, 07:52 PM
schoolme schoolme is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: DFW Area
Posts: 6
Cool I wish I knew what to do

WOW!!! Its been 3 weeks now since the rape...My realationship with Bear is going pretty good...We have had to have some real heart to hearts because do to the fact that I was raped there is still no sexual penetration from him towards me...Which in many ways I precieve that he is not really into me and that he doesnt want me sexually anymore...I know that my Bear loves me and that in his own way he is protecting me and that he wants me to not just be physically ready to have sex but he also wants to make sure that I am emotionally ready to have sex...We have agreed (or just Bear and Beauty really) that I have to wait a month and I have to get a whole round of STD test done before we go further into the sexual penetration mode...I would feel really bad if by chance I did give them anything...So as much as I dont like it I understand...

Right now I am having a hard time with Beauty...Everything on the surface seems to be just fine but below that I dont know anymore...Beauty is a beautiful woman...She is 5'8'' long flowing brown hair a cute little ass and cant forget the BOOOOBIES...lol...She is beautiful...Very fem and your typical girly girl type...I on the other hand I am what she calls baby butch...Im 5'2'' short reddish brown hair...I am not your typical girlly girl...and because of bad habits of the past my teeth are really messed up and I am missing quite a few of them...

I seem to wonder if beauty is really even attracted to me anymore or at all...After her and Bear had the conversation abount a month ago about Beauty being to rainbow happy she is not very affectioniate with me anymore...

Last night we were outside and I was telling her how beautiful/sexy I thought she was and she told me that she didnt feel it...and also told me that she was not even intrested in sex lately and she really didnt care if she got it or not and that she felt that her lebido (sp?) was gone...When we went to be Bear wanted to sleep in the middle of the bed (which is where I usually sleep)...I woke up to the two of them going at it...That is not what bothered me its the fact that it seems like when she is around Bear she is sexually aroused but when around me she is not...Thats what hurts...I try to kiss her or touch her and I feel as though she is just brushing me off...Right now Im really fucking hurt and not real sure how to handle this...

I said something to her a few weeks ago and she was very lovey dovey for a few days and then back to the same shit different day...Im lost for what to do...I really really like Beauty but I have no idea if the feeling is the same
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