Thread: Torn
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Old 08-08-2012, 06:37 PM
TornHeart TornHeart is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
WOW, that is all just so excessive to me. Daily? Several times a day? Really? UGH!!! That would feel very oppressive to me if I were asked to do that just to reassure someone. And, personally, I would not assume that I am not being thought of simply because I haven't heard from someone. There are people I am very close with and think of many times a day, yet I am not in touch with them for weeks at a time, and then we just pick up where we left off. People who know me know that's just the way I am. OP, perhaps your bf is more like me, and does not need daily contact to feel secure in a relationship. In that case, it may simply never have occurred to him that you would feel excluded and forgotten.

Sorry for the late response. I do appreciate your reply and have reflected on them. Perhaps to him it is uber excessive to text/call me often. I don't know if 'oppressive' is the right word for it, but I understand your point. I realize we have different needs (me and him) and it's something I have to really think about whether or not in the end we are a good match after all.



Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
It does sound like you are someone who really needs that day-to-day contact, whereas that would feel claustrophobic and like overkill to me. This could just be a clash of communication styles or love languages. While I think it is important to let him know this is a need of yours, I also believe you would do well to think of compromises you can also accept, because he may not enjoy or be able to keep up with daily contact..


I do need some sort of day to day contact, but nothing excessive than "hope your day is going well" text. Reality for me is, if that one thing that probably will take a few seconds in a day is TOO MUCH to handle, then again, we might not be a match...


Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
How long have you and this guy been seeing each other? Do you feel like you might be overly attached to him, or to some expectation here? Your first post expresses some disappointment in yourself for being a "hypocrite," about which it seems you meant your independence as a woman. So, where did you trip yourself up and become so much more attached than you want to be? It is possible to love, and love deeply, without attachment. Maybe you could ask yourself how that would look to you, in your mind's eye, for a relationship. Just some questions to point out a possible direction for your inner exploration of motives, wants, needs, etc...
Definitely realizing more and more that my attachment may be an issue and to be truthful, this scares me. I don't usually get attached but then there are no written rules to this, we all do our best as we go, don't we? I am beginning to prepare myself for whatever may come.



Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I also think it would probably be good for you to keep going on dates with other people. Go beyond your comfort zone and sit with the feelings that come up surrounding that. Just don't attach expectation of a relationship to the dates -- go out with the goal of enjoying someone's company and getting to know them. Have fun.

I tend to agree that it would be good for me to keep going on dates with other people. Yesterday, I agreed to go on a date with someone I met on a Poly Munch in my area. So let's see how that goes.
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