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Old 08-08-2012, 06:27 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 88

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post

I agree with you that if needs aren't being met, if people aren't happy with a situation, they should leave. She did. Plenty of others eventually do. I myself am considering doing so because I believe that as my feelings for him grow, I will be less and less content with the situation and that eventually it's impossible for a married man to meet my needs.
Needs are a very individual thing

...when someone appealing wants to give you the world and love and admiration and affection....
There are some people who may not be looking for more than that


He himself is asking the question: should he have offered, having seen from his own experience that the married with single imbalance often leads to exactly the kind of pain his former GF experienced?
Often maybe but not always. Should he assume everyone in the single category has the exact same needs and close himself to all of them? Or does he have the right to expect people to open themselves to him based on the knowledge of their own needs?


Someone asked why not just go out and get another boyfriend. I think some people just aren't interested in having two boyfriends if they're truly mono. For myself, with a house full of kids, a couple of them special needs, a house falling down around my head with its own needs, two jobs, and deadlines breathing down my neck, I wasn't looking for one boyfriend. I certainly don't have time for two.
This sounds to me like one kind of person who might be looking for less than a full time relationship. You might just as easily not be able to meet the needs of a particular single mono person if your time and energy are extended with your commitments to your children and household already.


What success stories do people have of married poly with single mono? I've seen only a couple and those seem to involve the single person moving in with the couple eventually. Barring that (because it absolutely will not happen in my situation for several reasons), are there such situations where everyone remains happy?
I think situations where everyone remains happy can exist depending on the kind of relationship both the poly and mono person are looking for. Some people (poly or mono) are extremely independent and actually want to be able to go home alone to their own space at night and that can present difficulties for any relationships if two people aren't looking for the same thing. For example my bf's father was divorced many years ago and has now been dating the same woman for 9 or 10 years. They are monogamous, care deeply for eachother but don't live together. It seems to me the woman is always pulling these power games with the man and his children because she is uncomfortable their relationship hasn't progressed into more defined commitments and joint property and responsibilities after all these years. He is happy with the relationship where it is. I imagine that he might be happy in a situation where he was in a stable long term relationship where he wouldn't be expected to move in or be with her all the time. That might be found with a more independent mono woman or maybe it could be found with a woman who has that marriage type relationship with someone else already.

I imagine there must be other situations that would create people who don't want a marriage type relationship. People who are married to their job?

My bf has been in a LDR with me for the last 5 years and I'm married. He's been free to date other people but never has. I can't say I understand why that is working for him because I'd sure like more of him but you could call that success for him? I guess I should have noticed the guy in the first scenario and my bf are related huh?
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