I read back what I wrote last night to see if my midnight rambling would be helpful. I am so glad to not be new to this poly thing any more. I knew that in deciding to date a newbie I would spend some time dealing with newbie stuff. I get why seasoned poly people don't date newbies... But, I love him and his wife and I would have it no other way. Here I am and I intend to see it all through.
This morning I got a very apologetic and sweet email from Brad's wife. I can handle just about anything if I know people are aknowledging my feelings and are aware of what I am going through. I really appreciated that she understood that this whole thing might be hurtful to me and that is really all I needed to find a place in myself to be extra supportive.
I feel for her, she's been pushed to the edge by this man in her life and expected to blow off her feelings. He doesn't operate like she does and doesn't get why she is so hurt. Mind you, I don't know how much she has told him of how hurt she is.
I don't know his wife, but perhaps she is able to handle more than Brad's wife. Maybe he doesn't get that not everyone can? I admire Brad's wife's depth of feeling and concern. She hasn't been thoughtless in her pain. She has thought of how Leo's wife might feel and her bf and wishes she could walk out of her feelings. Thing is he has neglected to tell her about sexual experiences he's had with their friends, about plans he has made without her and has struggled to keep her in mind through some major decision making.
To me it looks as if he doesn't care about her as much as he says he does. His actions don't reflect that to me anyway. It looks more like he is working from a place of his own feelings on everything than that of others. It seems selfish to me, but I know I am only getting one side of the story.
If there is one thing I have learned being the gf and wife of many its that I need to weigh up every ones feelings and my own, decide on a course of action that considers everyones feelings and then wade into it very slowly, looking for pitfalls all the way. I find it better to wade in more slowly than any of my loves think is necessary because something seems to come up every time.
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