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Old 08-08-2012, 01:35 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

This is truly fantastic news. It can take a lot of balls to have that sort of frank discussion, and to do it in a loving way. Sounds like you nailed it really well, and you got a great result out of it.

I'd like to pick up on just one detail of what you wrote, and see if you agree with my comment...

Originally Posted by CrapEndOfTheStick View Post
She also said if she ends up slipping back into the way she has been or doesn't follow through, she wants me to shut it all down by closing our marriage, and she wouldn't resist it or resent me for it because it would be because she wasn't able to do her thing without losing her head.
I'd like to suggest that instead of this being YOU that shuts it down, that the two of you talk about it and come to a joint decision about it. This shouldn't be you "spoiling her fun" because no matter what she may say about not resenting you for it, human nature says that at some stage she might.

Much better is to do like you did in this discussion - lay it all on the table and let her come to her own conclusion that her outside relationships need to end, at least until you guys have the chance to structure it better. I just don't feel that you should be the bad guy, here, you know? These are her relationships and these are her choices - she need to know what it is doing to the people she loves (you and the kids) and takes actions accordingly.

Does that make sense?

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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