Originally Posted by starrynite101
I wish you had replied to my thread the other day. This makes such a good point, about the wasted time and energy of not being in the moment. I'm not sure exactly how I'll resolve it.. maybe no dating texts? I'm new to all of this and figuring out my stuff, and honestly I need to nip this in the bud. I will not spend hours and days needlessly obsessing like I have been. My phone is such a temptation that I need to find a way to deal with it. Maybe no phone at work? Maybe no texts from dates? Maybe planning times when we will talk or text? I'm not sure, but I'm glad I was reading other threads and found this one. Thanks for posting it.
I have been experimenting with various anti-stress tactics
When I was in my most obsessive phase, the thing that worked for me was to 'allow' myself 3 times a day to check email, texts etc. I have to admit I broke my own rule a number of times, but still those hours of not checking were often very peaceful.
I also made a point not to reply to emails or texts immediately. Because, it feels so much better to be the one still having an email to write, than to be the one waiting for a reply
I would have the email fully composed in my head (I'm a writer and love to spend lots of time working on what I want to say) but not actually write it or send it. This gave me extra hours of not obsessing. It sounds pretty desperate I know but there have been times when I really needed to trick myself with these desperate measures.
I also decided to not become facebook friends with anyone in my poly circle (lovers, metamours). It would be too stressful for me to see what they are up to even if its meaningless.
Of course it all comes down to faith and trust. If you have faith in your connection with your lover, it won't bother you when he takes a day to reply to your email. But when you are just starting in the relationship, there are no foundations of faith and trust yet, and you are an easy victim of the restlessness bug....