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Old 08-08-2012, 09:47 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
For those of you who have been in the wife's position, knowing your husband's girlfriend is having a hard time coping with your existence--not trying to break you up or anything like that, but just simply having a hard time coping with something completely foreign to her--what goes through your head?

I picture the wife in such a situation being a little smug and feeling a little bit of ownership along the lines of 'that's right, he's always coming home to me.' Or possibly, being used to the situation herself, feeling like, "What in the heck is wrong with her?" Or perhaps looking down on her for being not quite so enlightened.
I was in this position with my husbands first serious GF (after opening up our relationship).
She was single, never been in a poly type relationship, just had a bad break up, still very good friends with her ex husband with whom she shared custody of her kids (ex was not bad break up). She initially said that a relationship with a married man, in openness, was just what she needed (she had had affairs with married men (in secret) prior to meeting my husband). She wasn't looking for someone to live with, was happy with once a week dates, etc etc.
But after about 6, 7 months she started having problems. Some of these were related to the fact that she told friends and family about my husband. They were very disapproving and this made her realize that this relationship would not be a 'normal' part of her life. She also said "if you were single, I'd want you all to myself". They broke up pretty soon after that.

I never felt smug when thinking about her. I met her, I liked her, and I thought she was a good match for my husband (unlike his current GF - but that's a whole otehr story )
When she broke up with him he was very sad and I was upset and I remember feeling a bit angry with her, I felt that she had given up too soon and that she had not given it, and us, a chance to grow into this and to develop something good.

They still see each other as friends with very minor benefits (lots of cuddles and hugs and sometimes a couple of passionate kisses) and I have a secret hope that they will get back together. I have learned so much since the last time they were together, I know I would be a much better metamour to her.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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