Easy. You decide you have a limit, and that there's going to be consequences if those are broached. For me? Lies? That could be a 1 strike you are out. Other things I am willing to negotiate on up to 3 strikes if person is honestly trying to improve self. More than that on the SAME issue? You aren't interested in working things out with me. You are interested in getting your own way all the time and not respecting my limits.
Now I am hearing THIS in your posts:
YOUR WANTS, NEEDS, LIMITS
- want: to not feel run over and left as road kill.
- limit: not happy with thought of finding him a partner. (soft limit that could change in time, or hard limit no WAY, jose! type?)
THINGS TO NOTE:
- Our whole relationship has been f*ckd up from the beginning. He was with my aunt and then me and him went to a bar and got toasted and ended up in bed and 9 months later with a baby. Not exactly what was planned at all.
What WAS planned about your relationship? It doesn't sound like it was entered into with thought and intention. (???)
Maybe he's angry because of the baby? To support you and baby? He doesn't sound like he wants to be tied down but he's got some weird messed up ethics going after a niece. Why did you go there knowing he'd been seeing your aunt?
There are some people who want to complete a "set" you know -- a set of sisters, a mother/daughters, all the girls in a workplace, whatever. It is not cool, but so some people are. Is he looking to score with all your female relatives?
If you are willing to open your relationship -- why?
You don't really sound like you want to. You sound like you are thinking about it to keep some tie to him. And what makes him so great that you want to take his leftovers and live feeling like roadkill all the time? Rather than being with a partner that treats you well and NOT roadkilly? Sometimes the choices in life are not win or lose. It is this stinks, and this stinks. Which stinks less?
To me? The stink of a break up is less stinky than years and years of roadkilly nonsense with him. RUN!
You are a young 21 with your whole life ahead. Even being a single mom -- that's nothing horrible. You are not the first and wouldn't be the last. *shrug*
I think you should think about what would truly
make you happy in a partner and if he doesn't fit that? Dump him. You deserve full on happiness. Not dregs.
I'm sorry if this is Hard to Hear. But I mean it kindly. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. You do not sound happy.
Remember even if you are poorly treated, you DO have worth, dignity, and value as a person.
Never believe less. You are a PERSON. Not a THING.