Yes GG, yes it does. It's heartbreaking when you figure out that you've compromised yourself and your values in an effort to fit a box that simply is-as you put it-masochistic to fit into.
On the other side of the coin-learning to set your standards (and keep them) for yourself as well for others, learning to take care of yourself and prioritize yourself-is such an amazing feeling.
I hope Maca gets to the point where he can fully accept me for all of me. But, in the meantime, I'm learning to establish me for all of me and that is a wonderful experience-hard work-but gratifying.