A submissive wife playing the dominant role with you...
Hmm... the next move with the psychological rubics cube. Trying to control her with your own anger and possibly a threat of leaving her is bringing you a lot of stress. How about the very opposite? You can't control her anyway, so how about taking care of yourself and your kids and then letting her do whatever she wants without any argument or resistance from you?
Yes, there is risk with this. I think the truth is her dominant person is encouraging her to disrupt her marriage with you. Arguing back at her is making this worse, which means arguing back is serving her dominant person. So how do you try to turn this around? How about doing the very opposite of arguing back at her. Let her do what she wants. This may just reverse the momentum her dominant person has created, which may just stress THEM out long enough to break them up. No guarantees here of course, but...
sometimes when a person is falling off a cliff, they actually don't know they are falling until they hit bottom. Maybe if you get out of her way and let her hit bottom, she will realize she has fallen in the first place. I think you're reality right now is you are actually married to her dominant person through her. His influence has reached far into your life. Maybe its time to get out of the way of his punch, so the force he uses to move his fist pulls him to the ground. You hold your body in a certain way when you prepare to swing at someone. What happens when there is no one there to hit (no resistance from you), your own swing wants to pull you down.
I wonder if the dominant person looks for married women - a relationship to disrupt?