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Old 08-08-2012, 02:47 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,329


To grow self esteem, you must do esteemable things.

How is it esteemable to stay in a relationship you recognize as manipulative?

Painful as it is, I think you need to take a firm stand and end it and walk away. Begin healing process so YOU get to a better headspace.

And you mentioned other areas where you COULD be doing esteemable things -- getting out more, knowing your new home more, learning the streets, the places, etc. Your job pays the bills but does not ignite your passion -- what does? Be it a hobby or moving towards a new job -- growing some space for you passion to exist... all that stuff? THOSE are esteemable things.

Allowing yourself to stay in a position that heaps hurt upon your head because you fear being lonely or alone? That is not esteemable, and you end up feeling hollow and MORE lonely for being in company and not actually having connection.

As I understand it, this person was capable of breaking down her walls and drawing her out, making her comfortable with herself. I'm kind of frustrated that I had my head up my ass for so long that I couldn't even fix her, let alone myself.
1) Don't believe what a manipulator tells you about her partner. She could be painting it in a flattering light so she looks good. It sounds better if he "touched" her somehow than if she stalkered him.

2) You cannot fix her. You can only fix yourself. We can't control other people. We can only choose what WE do.

3) Get head out of ass then. Do esteemable things to improve your own self esteem.

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