"My feeling is that D should keep R as a platonic friend and concentrate on his relationships with me and with C..."
I cannot understand why no one has responded to the degree of control you want to have over your primary's love life. Shouldn't he be the one to determine who and when and where his energies are focused on? Because he is your primary, you believe that he should give more weight to your opinions about which of his relationships should be serious, which casual, and where he is supposed to focus all his sexual energy? "You should leave this one as less serious, but go ahead with that one as long as all your best efforts in the bedroom go to me! Me, me, me! Let the other women get the dregs, I have to come first! I am your primary, dammit!!!" If you feel that he must satisfy you first and foremost and until that is done, he should not feel free to be with anyone else sexually, then wow, what a buzzkill.
As a man who has a primary, my relationships are my relationships to manage, not my primary's. My sex life with my secondaries has nothing to do with my sex life with my primary. They are all separate people, not appendages to my primary relationship and all should get the consideration each deserves. If I am not feeling sexual with my primary, but am feeling sexual with my secondary, it is none of my primary's business to know what/why/when/who, and she doesn't get a say about who I should focus on or work on certain issues with. That kind of ownership over his penis and how he performs is probably contributing largely to his failure to get it up for you. Any dick would shrivel up in such a controlling environment.
Last edited by ihaveasecret; 08-07-2012 at 10:56 PM.