Originally Posted by Sarcophagus
LovingRadiance, I'll do that. Maybe put things into perspective.
TheCubist: Exactly. And that's the bit that really cuts deep. She listens, and she's tried to be supportive, but when it comes down to it, she hasn't actually done anything to try and make this right to me other than that. Pretty much all I can do any more is bitch about the situation, and that doesn't help anyone.
There's so much I could say-but it's been covered so many times, especially so in my own blog.
Because I cheated and that is how we ended up getting to where we are now. But, I cheated with my best friend, who is a major part of our kids lives. There wasn't REALLY an option to remove this person from our lives even if I was willing to do that, because it would have destroyed our kids too.
So, in addition to me earning trust back, my boyfriend had to earn my husbands trust back AND we all had to figure out how to move forward together.
It hasn't been easy-not at all and we're certainly not the prototype for "perfect poly" if that even exists.
But, it's been almost 3 years (Sept. 25) and we're living together as a family with the kids and things are honestly going pretty well.
So-it IS possible.
But, I have to say-it's taken A LOT OF HONEST WORK on my part and on my boyfriends part to change our behaviors and attitudes AND
to re-earn trust AND
to work with some **Seemingly** stupid boundary limits AND
stay loving and considerate of my husband AND
really honestly, truly work to make amends for our past actions
in order to get to this place.
It's also required a LOT of work on my husbands part to forgive and move on.
None of that is easy.
I honestly can't say I would have made such major efforts if we hadn't already been married for 10 years and already had 4 kids in the mix. I probably would have bailed if we were less than a year in. And I KNOW he would have.