Originally Posted by newtoday
No disrespect intended, just pure curiousity from the gallery of Mono minions.
You tend to be very respectful. Thus, an answer from a random poly girl who also identifies as queer:
Is poly something that is SO innate, like homosexuality or breathing, something you HAVE to do, not something you can choose to do, like quit smoking or eat less, exercise more?
Breathing is a little different.
I've long viewed both poly and queerness as innate, but I also recognise that we have to choose whether we want to express either trait. For some people, the social cost of acting on what they feel is too steep. A man who is both gay and part of a religion that frowns on the action of homosexuality (not the being, the acting on it!) might marry a woman in order to stay part of the religious community. He may have weighed his options and decided his religion was more solace than the prospect of a male life partner.
It's also possible that there are people who can be just as happy with one partner as multiple, or who value quality over quantity and so don't take on a second/third/fifteenth partner for the sake of having more. They may be looking but so picky that they look monogamous but are poly in their hearts and minds. Or they might genuinely be happy rolling with the punches.
Human experience is so broad that I hesitate to say anything definite except what I know to be true for me. So there's what's true for me, and you can take it or leave it as you see fit.
...excuse me, have become unbearably postmodern.