Originally Posted by newtoday
I hear and read so often about Poly partners wanting to pursue a poly lifestyle and then dealing with the repercussions of their struggling Mono spouses. Is poly something that is SO innate, like homosexuality or breathing, something you HAVE to do, not something you can choose to do, like quit smoking or eat less, exercise more?
Again, no disrespect intended, but I keep hearing that Mono partners need to learn to accept the tendency of the poly partner to explore that world; well, on the flipside, (playing Devil's Advocate) can't we say that the poly person could also be encouraged to accept a Mono lifestyle for the sake of the struggling partner? After all, it is their committed life partner
Just my thoughts.
It's an interesting question that I believe has many answers.
You use homosexuality as an example of something innate but I think that polyamory, like homosexuality can often be on a scale. Some people are 100% gay or straight whilst there are also many bisexuals out there at 50%, 70% or 30%.
I know several people that considered themselves gay or straight their whole lives and then found their one exception to the rule.
I believe poly can be quite similar in that some people are 100% poly or mono but there are also lots of people that are dotted along the spectrum that could enter a poly or mono relationship for the right person/situation/time in their life.
So no one person or relationship is the same and, so, in answer to your question, is poly innate? I'd say yes and no, it would depend on the individuals involved. That's my opinion anyway.