Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
It's a choice what I do with my life, yes. I cannot choose who I fall in love with, though. Monogamous folks tend to only fall in love with one person at a time and, once in love, tend to naturally exclude those feelings from others. Poly people can't do that anywhere near as easily - it has to be forced. Can it be done? Yes of course! Does it feel right to do it? Quite often, not.
CdM, fair enough.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Being in a similar life circumstance, you know that I appreciate your input.
I guess, where my thoughts are also stemming from, is that is there a minimum or maximum requirement? As you said in other posts, you are polysaturated with a girlfriend and a lifepartner. My boyfriend (thankfully!)says the same thing -time commitments being the top holdback. If he's going to spend more time with anyone outside his life partner, it will be me.
So, that's a choice. You choose not to add another love to your life.
My point is, if the Mono partner is really struggling that bad, is it that unreasonable to ask the poly partner to close the relationship? People do it when they have children or other responsibilities that take priority.
I also question the concept of choice for polyship when I hear 2 different viewpoints:
1. I met another person at work/the gym/church/etc and we have a connection that I'd love to explore.
2. I am poly and need to love more than one person, so I'm off to find another person to love. Is that really a need or a want?
Again, just trying to understand.