Originally Posted by CrapEndOfTheStick
At this point, I'm about to drop the ultimate veto, which we'd also agreed to in the beginning. I'm about to say, "The open marriage is now closed.. No more Dom.. It's DONE." ...
Based on what you have written, DEFINITELY this. At least put it on hold so that things can calm down. Yes she may have a hissy fit, but that's necessary right now.
Does she think that this is all working swimmingly? Or does she also admit that this is out of control?
Part of opening a marriage is going at a speed that everyone is comfortable with - it's quite obvious that you are NOT comfortable with this. So stop the momentum right now, get calmed down, and then see what can be explored in a far more controlled way.
One aspect that you need to have in place is this idea that she cannot shirk all her responsibilities to follow the BDSM stuff....