Originally Posted by Nathan
I think that is an understandable reaction to have, and that was the point of my question. How do other guys cope with that?
I'm so interested in this thread.
After an extended period of abstinence in their relationship, my bf and live-in OSO have recently regained the sexual part of their relationship. It was a struggle for me at first, to be honest, as I entered into this with him as my being his only sexual partner. I worried about what my role was now with the change in dynamics. I always knew and appreciated that he loved his OSO, no question, but that part of their relationship had ended several years prior. Through alot of hard work, we have worked through it (and still are!)and if anything, his and my life have improved as well; he's happier at home, and he works hard to show me how much he still needs and desires me. Win, win.
But I'm Mono. And I recently had an opportunity to have some adult fun on a vacation. My bf tells me that he would feel like a hypocrite now to ask me NOT to be with another man, so if I wanted to , I should have just done it, just not tell him about it, because he couldn't handle it. Hmmm. That's not who I am, nor how I work, and he knows that. So the gesture is invalid. And I asked him "Would you really be okay with another man touching me, loving me, in my bed, kissing me?" And he shook his head and looked like he was in physical pain.
So...I'm keenly interested. Why is he to assume that I should be okay with him being with another partner... yet he obviously doesn't feel comfortable with that for me?
- Is it because it's his OSO, even though they hadn't shared that in many years, to me she's a new partner, should I have forced compersion?
- Is it because I'm Mono? Probably plays a role in that. I could meet someone and chances are I would leave him.
- Or is it a gender thing? As a working generalization, women tend to have emotional jealousy. Men tend to have physical jealousy. Yet I, as a female, tend to have more sexual than emotional jealousy. (or perhaps it's really envy!)
I'll be interested to hear the perspectives.
GalaGirl -I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this and definitely a man's perspective.