Husband vs Wife and her Dom.. a matter of respect.
My wife and I have been married for 12 years and about 7 years ago, my wife revealed that she is a submissive and wanted to live in the D/S lifestyle, with all the beatings, dungeons and bondage that goes with it. Flash forward to now, we are in an open relationship where she has a Dom, and some sister-subbies that she goes and hangs out with pretty much every weekend.. and I have our kids, the laundry and such.. I guess someone has to keep the house clean.
For most of the time since she revealed her preferences, things were okay enough, but as time has gone by, I've been noticing what feels like A. a complete selfishness in her and B. a complete lack of respect for me.
When all of this started, she and I agreed that if either of us had a problem with something the other was doing (or who they were doing), all that one had to do is say the word and it would stop. I've held up to that requirement when she got jealous of a girl I was visiting, however, every time I've told her that I don't like something that's either already happened or she tells me is going to happen, and I use my veto. She basically throws a fit and pesters and nags and fumes and argues and carries on until I finally can't stand it anymore and say "FINE! Do whatever you want!" ..
I found out recently that it probably wouldn't have mattered if I hadn't ever caved in on anything anyway. She informed that she and her Dom wanted to start doing slaps and strikes to the face. I sad emphatically "NO.. No way in Hell!". And of course, she started having a fit. I finally told her that I absolutely positively will not cave on this. Number 1, I don't care if she likes it or not, I don't like seeing bruises and red-angry marks on my wife's skin that I know were left by someone's intentional actions... I don't care if she wanted it, I still don't like.. Number 2 and it's big one. She works in a very conservative office, and the last thing I need is a bunch of office-harpies thinking I'm beating my wife up, because she keeps showing up every so often with a bruise on her face. I explained this to her and she told me I was retarded and basically, she didn't need my permission anyway. She'll do what she wants.
If anyone can explain that as being anything but completely selfish disrespect, I'd love to what it is. It also really angers me that, while my wishes are trivial and easily disregarded, her Dom's every whim is top priority. He says that she come up for the weekend, it doesn't matter how much my twins cry that she hasn't been home and done anything with them for the last 5 weekends, it doesn't matter that I asked her to stay home. Nope, can't disobey the master! Her husband of 12 years and father of her children apparently amount to nothing put up against her selfish desires.
I know this is a long narrative, and I apologize.. I'm at my wits end.. At this point, I'm about to drop the ultimate veto, which we'd also agreed to in the beginning. I'm about to say, "The open marriage is now closed.. No more Dom.. It's DONE." ... Part of me thinks she'll resent it, but she'll do it.. but another part of me thinks she might just pack her belongings and leave me and the kids.. It's a frightening concept, but at this point, I've about had it and can't think of anything else I can do.
Anyone have other alternative courses of action? And before anyone says it, I've been to plenty of live demonstrations, I know how the bruises are made.. it doesn't make me feel any better about them and the bruises are just one issue out of dozens anyway.
I apologize again for my tone, I'm just very frustrated, angry and hurt these days.. and I would appreciate some advice.