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Old 08-06-2012, 03:54 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,029
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You wrote "Now what?"

And then you answered yourself. First step? Learn to be better communicators.

Practice on each other, with friends, family. Because I can tell you polyships just ain't gonna fly if the communication skills are weak. So amp your communication skills in knowing and stating your wants, needs, limits. Even my kid is learning this on baby conversation like "Where should we go to dinner?"

"I really want mac and cheese. I need to run around after. I have a limit -- I do not want to go to sushi because we ALWAYS do that lately. Let's give it a break!"

How are your conflict resolution skills? Do you solve life problems well when they come up? Does one bucket fare better than another -- mind, body, heart and soul type problems. Some people don't like to deal with the heart problems. Or the soul problems. Other hate doing the body problems and going to the doctor for a check up!

You can read book resources like "Ethical Slut" or "Opening Up" and do the exercices. Opening Up has some online work sheets -- maybe start there if you need help navigating the conversation along til you get hold of the books?

Read online like morethantwo or http://www.serolynne.com/polyamory.htm Do the exercises in the book, find ways to try things on safely in mind and heart even if not quite ready in body and soul.

But yay! You did a brave thing, he's trying to absorb it, and work it with you. Take your time. Strengthen what you have first. There's no hurry to Open.
And even if you never open up to Another, isn't it better to do this work? To be more authentic and open up to EACH OTHER? And love each other more fully than this... limbo flat thing that leaves you both unsatisfied?

Over here? When we were all single? I was the hinge in a MFM "V" -- and the mono boys signed on to my polyship and we flew it a while and it was sweetness and light. Even when it landed back to Earth due to circumstances beyond our control. School, work, finances, etc. added limitations and we agreed it best to part. We're not anywhere close to going there again with my health and my eldercare for my aging parents and raising a child -- we recognize the TIME limitation right now. It is just not a good time to reOpen.

But we do the mind/heart work again -- to prepare for another time later. And in the meanwhile enjoy the greater bond/intimacy between us. I hang out on the forum a lot more lately to brush up MY communication with strangers who do not know me or my vocab short hard. Just to prepare, in a safe way, by sharpening that skill. Give someone a leg up and answer questions how YOU would do it if it were you. Hopefully it helps them with a new POV and it helps YOU think about the realities of poly.

For the time when you are ready to go there mind, heart, body, and soul, and with your DH full on board in his heart, mind, body and soul.

Just take your time. You will be ok.

hugs,

GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-06-2012 at 04:08 AM.
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