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Old 08-06-2012, 03:21 AM
cherrygirl cherrygirl is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 9

Originally Posted by snowmelt View Post
First of all, I applaud you for having the courage to start the conversation. Now your job is to keep talking. Acknowledge his fears. Tell him what you're afraid of. Tell him what you want. Keep the conversation moving. This is only a guess, but the abruptness of your question, "Now what?" hints at how hard it is for you two to have a meaningful conversation. Get out of your comfort zone. Open your heart to him. Maybe he so used to not having meaningful conversations with you that he needs time to get used to what it feels like to have you actually talk to him. You're doing the right thing. Keep it up. Keep talking. If he gets mad, ask him why he's mad. If he ignores you, ask him why he's ignoring you. If he says he doesn't believe you, ask him what you can do to help him believe you. The more you open up to him the more permission he will feel to open up to you. It might take time for the two of you to learn the basics of having a meaningful conversation. You're doing the right thing. Keep talking.
You're right, we don't really talk about our feelings. Neither one of grew up in environment where it was safe to do so. My mother wouldn't tolerate any dissenting opinions from my sisters and I and his mother would use anything he told her as ammunition to hurt him with. So, we carried that into adult life. The closer I get to someone, the less I can handle being vulnerable. He is just closed up period. I am therapy and have been for many years working on my issues, but he is afraid of therapy. Either way neither one of us are good communicators.
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