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Old 08-05-2012, 11:20 PM
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StarTeddy StarTeddy is offline
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The very first time I considered poly, though I didn't know what it was called, was when I had just started my very first relationship when I was 15. I guess I should start with the beginning with this story.

Around April that year, I became friends with a boy, J, and I liked him immensely. We had a thing going for a little bit, but he was still too emotionally immature to understand what was happening and stopped paying attention to me. This hurt me a lot and it took a very long time for me to get over the feelings I had for him. That July, I met the guy who would become my boyfriend, A. When school started back up, I discovered, to my horror, that he was J's best friend. So I was in a new relationship but I still had my old feelings for J. I didn't want to be around him AT ALL because I was ashamed of my feelings, but then that meant that A felt like he had to split his very limited time between us and often had to choose between one or the other. That wasn't fair, so I tried to be friendly with J again, but that ended up in unintentional flirting between us (which was pointed out by other people). I was ashamed of what I had done and so I stopped, but in my mind I thought that it would just be so much easier if I could be with both of them. I presented the idea to A, who (due to being completely spineless at the time) said that it was fine by him, though in reality it was tearing him apart on the inside. I realized that it was hurting him, smacked myself, and told myself that I had to focus on and honor the relationship I already had, and stop chasing after the other guy who had never been so nice to me anyway. After that, I had banished the idea from my head as That Really Bad Idea I Had Once. I still felt guilty though, about being attracted to other people while I was in a relationship.

I didn't think much of it back then, but recent events have made me realize that I can no longer deny the poly aspect of myself and that I refuse to continue being ashamed about my feelings of love for other people. I haven't actually been in a full-fledged poly relationship yet, though.

Last edited by StarTeddy; 08-05-2012 at 11:22 PM.
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