Originally Posted by lovemultiplied
When you're looking for other people to "date" or "form relationships with," do you feel that there's a difference between being with other people who have their own "primary" or are "stray singles" okay?
Oh, absolutely. Introvert answer alert!
I can't cope with big, chaotic households. I can cope with big households that run well and that acknowledge people's individual needs, wants, etc. I can cope with small households with minor chaos. I can definitely cope with households of one, provided I am not suddenly that person's reason for living. -- I kid, but oy, the monogamous boyfriends I've had...
I worry that I'll be thrown into a situation where I never get the chance to have my needs met because I'm newest and the established situation runs too well for the others to want to change it. (See also "why Cassie hates NRE". I prefer to deal in reality when starting a relationship.)
I also have a bit of a squick about dealing with endless bloody networks of sexual partners who maybe aren't where I am regarding safety. I get nasty side effects off antibiotics, and I suspect antivirals would do much the same to me, so if there's an insert-bogeyman-here scare, that's time I have to set aside to cope with my fucked-up body. I want to have a partner with whom I feel safe doing that, but again, if I'm coming into a situation, even as a co-primary, I fear being too inconvenient.
Old baggage, probably, about being inconvenient in other people's lives and getting shunted aside. (Not romantically.) Baggage all the same, and I'm claiming it. Until I can open it and sort through it, best for me to be with small, closed groups or singles, neither type being likely to have too
many extant people to whom I've got to adjust.