You have no ethics framework.
Not any that I can tell. There's how I roll.
In my book? It would be game over. He's used up his 3 strikes you are out already on the same issue -- the NOT keeping of promises.
- he's been terrible at respecting our agreements. (broken promises)
- I asked for temporary monogamy (asking him to please not date anyone or bring anyone new into our family situation until things got a bit more under control). He agreed but immediately started a relationship with someone at work.
- We agreed that the other needed to meet someone BEFORE actual dating would happen. He never bothered to meet the women I dated- just gave blind approval.
- I told him very clearly that he was not OK'd to pursue anything with her. He agreed and seemed to understand her vulnerability and why it wouldn't be a great idea. Last Friday, I found out (again, he doesn't tell me stuff- I have to find out!) that he has been building a relationship with her, getting very emotionally intimate, and finally had sex with her.
Do NOT promise me X then! You have the responsibility to KNOW and STATE your wants, needs, and limits. Don't agree to what is beyond your limit! Ask for a change in the contract, renegotiate limits, deal with it WITH me. Not promise X just to shut me up, just avoid dealing with it, and then you cannot keep the agreement and we end up in the argue-y place.
Have you tried pro counseling?
Because really? If he can't stop lying? Not keeping his promises? I don't have much hope here on your running a successful 2 people marriage (the closed polyship of 2) much less a larger polyship with him with other people in the mix.
You can't play right with a liar/promise breaker constantly shaking up your emotional safety.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I do not envy your position. It's rough.