OK. So you started out kinky, you Domming him, calling him "she" and things were hot. Has the kink gone away as NRE faded? Do either of you miss the BDSM play as well as the sex?
It's a shame he won't or can't open up about why his sex drive died. Of course, lots of (if not most) relationships start out extremely sexual, and then things usually simmer down when NRE fades.
However, pressure to have sex can have the opposite affect! I can relate, even though our partners are in different places, genderwise. You have my sympathy.
I do get sex from miss pixi on average, a couple times a week, though. Or at least she kind of "helps" me masturbate, even though I am not to touch her erogenous zones.
I've spent 3 years looking for a second partner whose sex drive matches mine, and who is so horny I know he won't fizzle once NRE fades... and so I finally found Ginger. He does me real good once a week on our overnight date. We usually have 3-5 sex sessions in 20 hours or so, and it's GREAT. But I still miss having hot hot sex with miss pixi more often, because I am so freeking attracted to her! We've been together 3 1/2 years and have gone round and round this issue. I do feel sorry for her because I'd like sex every day though. I know that is hard to keep up with.
Anyway, I am rambling.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)