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Old 08-04-2012, 12:58 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 483

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
You said since the break up he's jealous and insecure ...needy. What's changed ....nothing except now he can look and focus on you and your bf's.
yes, because he's hurting, he needs me more, than when he was happy.
this may make me uncomfortable, it can feel stifling, it can feel unfair, but still I completely understand it.. and I think it were me, I would feel the same way.

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post comment on his actions. He chose her ...he knew she was cheating on another guy ....did nothing ...was warned ...fought and defended her decisions and action.....violated safe sex agreement. My thought is after that you don't have a right to be illogical and needy or insecure because you brought it on yourself.....and it's based on nothing.

well things are just not that black and white for me. He did choose her knowing she was cheating. But she promised him she wasn't, and wouldn't cheat on him, and he believed her. That was naive, maybe, but he did it anyway and for about a year, had no reason to doubt her.
So when he finds out she is cheating on him too, is he not allowed to be hurt? with the hurt leading to feelings of insecurity and neediness? because he chose to start a relationship with a cheater?

The breaking of the safe sex agreement is another matter. He messed up there, big time. But, I messed up, in other ways, many ways, big time. Does messing up and making huge mistakes mean you lose the right to feel hurt or pain? to be illogical about complex emotions of fear of abandonment, of jealousy? for how long? forever? I don't know, this is just not how I look at things.

I started this thread because I was confused. Isn't that what most threads around here are about? There are so many things at play here. Me not liking my husbands GF. Her cheating on him. My husbands hurt. My anger. Him feeling lonely because I have 2 boyfriends (which in a very practical sense, means he sees me much less). My feelings of guilt towards everybody (well except towards the GF maybe ) Me being confused on how to really feel my own needs instead of those of everyone else.

That confusion is still very much an issue, even though things have settled down somewhat.
Husband is seeing the GF in a couple of days. He says he wants to try and establish a new relationship dynamic between them. We'll see. I have a feeling the drama isn't over.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 years
Bo - BF of 1+ year
Lou & Jane - Ren's girlfriends
Lin - Bo's other GF
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