That is the reality of the LDR relationship. My OSO (years past) was my LDR BF. He hated that Local BF (now DH) had access to me in ways he did not. But that was a reality of the realtionship. School, work, money, etc all put limits. He learned to live with that. I told him to seek a local Sweetie too -- because I'm sorry. In that time? In that place? I couldn't CHANGE anything about it to be his local Sweetie!
And the door was open -- here he chose to be with me. I gave all I could give. How is it my fault the Universe makes it so he craves more than I have to share? I cannot clone me! So I told him to own what he signed up for willingly, and stop leaking all his baggage on me -- his insecure, bad mood, blahs. If this is not pleasing you any more, walk away. I warned him in the contract. I can help unpack baggage, I can support, I can nurture but everyone carries their own baggage. Don't be foisting yours on ME to carry. I carry my own.
I do not know if you are LDR to her -- and it is a problem of geography only. Or if it is also a problem of time schedules. But Own the reality of this relationship in this time and place. Or let her go.
You can't make another Thursday pop up midweek. You can't change school times or work times magically. You cannot keep torturing yourself like this.
You keep leaking bad self-esteem/insecure on to your poly peeps? They will get so over your tiresome Eeyore butt. Who wants to hang with that?
Are you depressed? You are responsible for your own equipment. Get a check up.
They can nurture and support and reassure til the cows come home but if you refuse to BELIEVE and be ok -- then it gets this polyship nowhere fast.
If having/seeing them in your home is too much, DO NOT INVITE THEM AGAIN LIKE THAT. You tried a thing, hoping to feel compersion, and found it was a mixed bag of compersion and weird.
So... you learned something. It's your move dude.
Decide how you want to be in this relationship and BE it. Enjoy it for what it IS.
Or do not be in this relationship. And be free of suffering.
But this business of torturing yourself -- unless you like the s/m thing -- what for? You do not sound happy.
Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-04-2012 at 02:38 AM.