Well, I just throw out something just to have something to talk it on. If you like the idea you can always adjust times and things to suit you.
It works either way.
- 30 days for you guys to collect lost marbles and cool off.
- Then ANOTHER 30 days to test her seeing sweetie and see if she plays like muppet show or Jedi.
- 30 days -- You collect marbles WHILE she sees sweetie AND you take notes to see if she plays like muppets or Jedi all along.
I would do the second option just to move it along faster. But I like to move faster. And I don't want to deal in extra potential drama of "dammit! I asked for 30 days no seeing and then if they go cheating AGAIN?!" Plunging me back into the abyss.
Ugh. That's more emotional risk to me than just throwing the door open and shining a light on the problem. BAM! There. See each other in the OPEN! In the Light Side of the Force! (Like you could have been all along without all this crap had you talked to me first!)
We are all different. It's on you what you
can stomach. Go at the speed YOU
to need to move.
Even 2 mos is NOT that long. Isn't the sweetie worth it? Aren't you? If the goal is a 3 person polyship framework that can FLY? GF ought to be able to hack a very reasonable 4-8 week processing time for a cheating Thing That Happpened. Sheesh. It's generous! Sometimes getting stuff from the DMV takes that long if not longer. (I joke to keep a heavy thing light -- I do feel your pain, but laughter helps with feel good brain cascades. Go see funny movies if you can.)
But breathe. And do not jump ahead. I know you probably want to be out of what I call "Hang Time at the Forge" because it feels UGH in there. Hot and squirmy and damned if you do, but damned if you don't.
But seriously? Hang. Just hang. This is important. But it isn't urgent. In fact, RUSHING got you here. It probably FEELS urgent. But it isn't. This is chess, not drag racing. Slow it the fuck DOWN. It is TOO important. Edge play of the heart.
But don't grind to a halt either. Move it along -- 30 days feels right to me. Another number might be better for you. Think on it, talk to your GF. But give it enough time to think and try some things, but not so long you all suffer endlessly in Hang Time.
Do your own self care -- talk to friends, take walks, get a massage, etc.
Enough time to cool off, but enough time to move it foward to the meta-goal of 3 people in harmonious relationship if this is what the goal IS. If that's not the goal -- check out now, save time. KNOW your own self here.