Of course it is ok to ask for a little time -- and honestly 30 days is FAST. It is not 30 yrs! Who needs "emotional flooding" experiences triggered? (You can google that.) Flooding is ugh -- That makes it hard to see clear. That's another type of brain cascade. We all need time to digest hard news.
Maybe reading the stages of grief
could help you navigate this time. You are grieving a bit here. Even if not after a death of a loved one exactly.
Now, I feel totally justified giving her the same boundaries, but anything stricter would be suffocating since I already asked them not to sleep together yet. I'm afraid tightening the limits would land us in the same place. UGH.
That's the long leash thing. That can come later when you get there. Don't jump ahead -- sort if you are even IN this still first. One thing at a time, please. You will be ok. Hang in there.
For the interim -- my limit?
- It is see your person then. (Cause if they want to keep on cheating, they will! Why bother to hold back now? Grr. )
- Just do not see them in front of me -- I do not need triggering. When you are with ME, be present with ME on our dates -- no texting, calls, etc on my date time! And don't rub your NRE joywheebliss in my face. Go tell your other friends. NOT ME. Treat me well NOW for having treated me bad THEN. Respect THIS new temporary limit of my needing emotional space that is drama free.
Cuz I'll be watching you to see how you treat me in the next 30 days -- like a muppet show or trying to play like honorable Jedi on respecting my LIMITS.
If I decide to forgive you and that I could be up for embracing Change and writing a NEW polyship contract?
THEN we get there when we get there. THAT is where we can talk about boundaries for the new thing. Not before.
First things first.