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Old 08-03-2012, 06:53 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Marksbabygirl has been staying at Derby's house for a bit for a visit. We all went out to Karaoke the other night. Fun times. It was really great to meet you the other day Jane.

I haven't written for what seems like ages because there is so much going on right now I haven't had a chance and can't seem to find where to start.

Ken texted me today under the week we agreed upon. I didn't mind, I thought it was kind of cute and was really pleased to hear from him. I can't believe its only been a week! It feel so much longer.

It seems that the purpose of our not spending time together might of been lost on him. The idea revolved around my staying away so that he could have a chance to talk to his new girlfriend about what her expectations are in terms of a relationship with him. I have been waiting to find out if I was right and that she would not be willing to tolerate him having another person he loves in his life.

It doesn't sound like he has asked her about her feelings and thoughts on people loving more than one, even if that love is not acted on romantically. I don't think he has talked with her about his loving more than one person wither. I don't know for sure though. We are hoping to find a time to phone each other. After that it will be two weeks before we talk again if we agree that the course of action we are on is a good idea. If he does talk to her and finds that she is okay with him loving me as well as her then this whole separateness is for nothing and we will have to figure out what to do next I guess. I am hoping I will be forgotten and that he will find he only loves her. That my even mentioning that he loves me will become a joke to him and feel like a coat that is too small, awkward. I don't know if that is possible, but maybe after the two weeks I will be a faint memory. I miss him though and that will never change for me.

Things with Brad are going swimmingly. We have enjoyed many moments of joy together this summer. I especially liked our camper van date where we looked at the moon over the ocean and drank coffee I made in the van. Candles everywhere and some lovely bonding time.

It turns out he is very similar to me in many ways and this I find amusing and puzzling. I can see more clearly how people have to deal with me would need to process how I am. He is organized, forthcoming with thoughts and questions, likes to have a plan before doing something, considers details and people involved in everything he does. Is selfless in his interactions with others yet has a need for a clear procedure in activities and in dealing with issues. I swear we could organize the Olympics in our home town easily!

The inclusivity of Brad's wife in our relationship I find to be a lovely change to what I have had in my life thus far. I am thrilled to bits that she is loving, caring, expresses her feelings and thoughts to me with a concern that makes me realize that she wants what is best for herself, but also to make sure that in advocating for herself that she doesn't leave out that Brad and I also have needs and requests of our own that might not include her. I am sure, at this point, that I can go to her about anything and it is making me think that I can relax into what is possible with them rather than feel like an outsider that is no more than a fun time every now and then.

Brad and his wife, along with their boy, are becoming close to me and I feel included in their lives. That I would be missed if I weren't there. I feel as if I am cherished and appreciated as an added addition to their family. It makes me feel safe and confident about the future. It makes me want to find ways to give to them and to nurture what we have. I find myself wanting them to help nurture what they have together and support both of them in their new poly life.

Brad is also becoming part of my life, although I don't include him in my life as much as they have included me in theirs. I think that could take some time as there is a lack of trust now due to the pain of my last break up with Leo for everyone in my family. I am not so willing to rush into anything that involves my other loves as I was before. They aren't as quick to jump in either.

In a few weeks we are going camping together Brad, his family and I. Derby may come out to visit and LB will be with me for a night with his friend. Brad's boy will be there, but other than that, Brad has his two ladies with him all to himself all cozy and working together as a team. It makes me very happy that he can have that. I know something of what it feels like to be surrounded by people who love you
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