As always, thank you GalaGirl for a hard, swift reply. You rock.
We kind of have
had that talk. She's not pushing me terribly hard, it was a question that came up today because we will be in a place this weekend where the individual in question will undoubtedly be.
So knowing that, she was gently (legit gently) asking if I thought this is a never-gonna-happen thing or a needs-time-to-heal-before-it-starts-again thing. I appreciate your support of my "I just don't know yet, let me not know" headspace. I'll bring that to the table next time it comes up.
When we have this talk, and I ask
Originally Posted by GalaGirl
Is there anything you need to say to me? That I need to listen to? Anything that you have to share on your wants, needs, and limits? In this time? In this place?
She responds with letting me know that she misses her ex, so is also hurting, and has a need to be heard, and a want to keep seeing her, but understands that can't happen now. So it becomes a cycle. She's in a place where she can't confide in the person who would normally be her first line of defense when pain arises. I see that you call it a price to pay for cheating, and I agree. I just... I feel like not helping her is, in a way, abandoning her during a time of loss. You know? And I don't want it to feel like a retaliation, or a too-bad,-that's-what-you-get response. But. That's what it is. This IS what she gets. She ran the risk of losing me, and in turn lost the OSO to the drama of it all, and now she feels loss as a result of her actions.
So when I say, is there anything you want to say to me, and she says, I'm in pain, where do we go from there? Back to step 1, where I say sorry, I'm in pain too so I can't help? Seems fair but also... mean. Just wondering I guess if anyone has found a way to push by this and still be there for a mourning partner that was a dick. But, maybe you're right and I need to put my foot down and let her feel what it's like to handle this without me, since she earned it.
Depriving her of support makes me feel like a less-than partner in her time of need, and I don't really want to alienate her even though she alienated me in her mistakes. Too forgiving, you think? BE HONEST! I'm just trying to check myself because it's so easy to stay bitter even though bitterness doesn't breed progress. UGH!!!
Thanks for the hug.