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Old 08-03-2012, 12:26 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,929
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Guh. What a place to be in. *hug* I will answer like it happened to me, ok? In my Universe everyone in the polyship would have these rights and responsibilities. My imaginary reply below is of me as how I think you are here and how I think you are trying to Spit it Out.

Hopefully close enough so you can maybe tweak it and make it your own?

If this really were me? I'd be out the door and NOT willing to entertain staying. But we are different people. So... only you know what you know over there.

Good luck!

HTH!
GalaGirl

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1) I love YOU. I do not love THIS.

2) Own your own baggage. Your WANT for absolution does NOT outweigh my NEED for pain-free time to process all this in.

I am upset. I find this a reasonable thing to be in this situation.

I need quiet time to get over being upset. I find this a reasonable request in this situation.

I see you want to be absolved. I wish I could do it. I cannot. You have to be squirmy right now. I am not going to put thumbscrews to you and give you extra squrim. That is not kind to do to my loved one.

But I cannot help you with the squirm part. That is the price YOU pay for having crossed a line and having hurt the loved one of yours that is ME. I suggest you lean on others. I will be leaning on others too. We cannot lean on each other on this one. We have been broken. We must mend the individuals alone before we can hope to mend the dynamic duo.

3) Stop pushing me for an answer I do not yet have.

That does not feel respectful of me. I do not know at this time and at this place if it is a soft limit or a hard limit because of the cheating start.

I can tell you damn straight is it a LIMIT right now. So leave it be. Know it is a LIMIT. I will check back on what type of limit when I know if sooner or in a month on the outside. WAIT.

4) This relationship is running in the red. I need time to cool my jets and bring it down to an orange so I can get to yellow if we ever hope to see the peace of green again. If you want to be in right relationship with me, you will give me the month of quiet space I ask for.

If you cross more lines with me, we are done. You are on 3 strikes as per our agreement for how to be together. One, you lied about the cheating. Two you cheated. Three you are pushing me here and not giving me my need for time (a month) that is peaceful and pain-free.

We are on overtime. Because I love you, and I'm deciding if I still love you enough to keep on keeping on despite this pain I endure.

5) I am willing to still entertain the idea of staying in relationship with you if I get what I need.
If you cannot give me my LIMITS and my NEED for time and space, then we need to talk about breaking up now rather than putting it off the inevitable. I love you dearly, but I'm not loving THIS. Are you playing like Jedi or like the Muppet Show?

How do you want to come out on the other side? Together in right relationship? Together as friends but not in rship? Or apart and walk away no longer friends?


6) SUMMARY:

I WANT some clear head space to process in peace. I am upset and I need time to chill.

I NEED pain free time to be able to do that well and dial down my hothead stuff and let it blow through before I can think and act with intention. Give me at least one month before we revisit this issue for discussion. I'm still gathering my dropped bag after losing all my marbles!

I have a LIMIT: that you don't see this person near me right now for 30 days. That just creates more static on this channel. Email, text, talk, but NOT around me or in a way that takes time away from me or causes me more pain. I need TIME that is pain free. When I am with you, BE PRESENT, with me. Not off in lala land with your person. Keep this person away from me.

I have a LIMIT: Do not rush me in my soul searching to decide if it is hard or soft limit on you seeing this girl while overlapping with me. If you need an answer today? If you are going to push me? I will push back and say it is HARD limit that is a dealbreaker, its been broken, and to spare myself more agony I am done with this relationship.

I love you. I do NOT love this. I want to be with you, but NOT like this. So endure change with me and we see what we see.

Thank you for listening to me. Is there anything you need to say to me? That I need to listen to? Anything that you have to share on your wants, needs, and limits? In this time? In this place?

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-03-2012 at 02:27 AM.
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