I guess that's what GG means by aftercare... I need a LOT of it, but what I need the most is for my husband to understand that I need time to readjust.
Bingo. That IS what I mean by aftercare.
People who kink know "aftercare" in BDSM context. But I think the skills transfer over.
It ought to be there in any encounter so people land the Thing well.
Think of how horrible casual hookups can feel if the aftercare is not enough for the Thing that THAT is. It might not need a LOT if both parties went there with the agreement of what the Thing was supposed to be -- a nice fun body fling. So maybe just a parting hug and a "Thanks for sharing you with me" and that's it. With a follow up call to restate that the next day and then part ways both satisfied in the encounter.
But that's a situation that can blow up if both parties were not clear
in negotiating a body fun fling. And not everyone is sensitive to that need for baby size aftercare after a casual hookup. It may not have been a HUGE sharing, but a sharing of a kind happened. So seriously -- can't even make one extra phone call?!
It's much clearer in BDSM that some aftercare is a must -- bottoms hitting subspace enter altered states. So they need body checked for broken skin or injury. Psychological damages? Heart dings? What? Coming off the drop -- phone calls over the next few days. An intense scene is intense. But people playing there in that arena of kinkytown know it -- it's so OBVIOUS that there must
be good aftercare.
But I think there is aftercare in polyworld too. To me poly is edge play of the heart.
We are sharing a huge thing -- our Sweetie! And our Selves!
So... hearts need checking out and gentle handling too. By the Sweetie and the Meta would be nice. There we go again into not as obvious, but still needed aftercare of THIS kind, for THIS thing.
For me? I need to hear at least a "thanks for sharing well" from the Metamour. Doesn't need to be more than that, I don't need to be best friends. I do need to be on good terms for calendar/schedule talks. I do need to have acknowledgement that I'm playing fair here. I need to know they play fair too and respect my need to be shown cordial behaviour and respect my own rship with the shared Sweetie.
I also need to hear same from Sweetie, and I need time to reconnect and rebond with Sweetie across all my buckets -- the buckets of the heart, soul, mind, body. I need this to happen gently, slowly, over a few days. And not feel like that reconnection is some chore thing like washing the dishes being given a lick and a promise.
If I have opened myself to be in a Vulnerable altered state to allow Sweetie a direct joy, I need that appreciated, validated, and reaffirmed at the right volume. When they return. Pay me back, dammit. So I can have my Compersion Alternative Joy of Love Shared.
Do not deny me this opportunity! I don't need to know TMI details of your encounter with your other sweetie. But I need to know it WAS a joy for you, and I want to share in some of that. So let me bask in your Love light a bit.
So yah. Poly aftercare! Isn't the point of chasing the PolyDragon? Love shared?