Originally Posted by Glitter
I do wonder a few things:
1. If we eventually cohabitate and start families together, how do we explain that to the extended family? I know we could say S donated to father a child for us, and G donated for them. However it seems rather convoluted to me. I know there is time to think about it, but I donít want it to be something we never think about until it happens.
2. Private space Ė would be needed. I have pets, and S is allergic to them all. My home will never be pet-free, so they will need to be considered if and when the time comes.
3. Perhaps 2 homes would be better, but next door to each other or something. All I have to go on is Big Love and Sister Wives :P
4. Will we lose more friends and/or family by coming out and cohabitating? What can we do to protect our rights and family from backlash (we are in Canada, less laws to worry about, but I am no lawyer)?
1. Why explain things. "They live with us." If someone asks "Why?", just say "because that's the way the 4 of us like it" period, end of discussion. Yes, I live in a LARGE city where housing prices are mind boggling and multifamily co-habitation is basically normal.
2. You would have to get an extremely LARGE home to fit 4-6 adults (if your parents are still living with you) plus any more children that will come along. A duplex that could be converted to have a few shared areas, or even doorways between spaces. Keep the pets exclusively on your side.
For those that suffer with allergies, it can be extremely torturous to be around pets for more than a few hours at a time, sometimes just sitting in the same furniture the pets use is worse than the pet itself. It can also cause some life threatening side effects. For this reason alone, two houses likely on the same property would likely be a better solution. There are better allergy injections around nowadays, which can be helpful, but I would never even consider asking someone to live with a pet if they are severely allergic.
4. Can't say about the backlash of friends, but the way you approach things can make a difference in how they respond. Don't take a negative initial response as their final opinion on the issue. As far as the US vs Canada it depends on where you live in. Many states like California (and other West coast states) don't give a crap about your living situation beyond health and safety regulations (only so many people per # of bedrooms). From what I hear, some parts of Canada have some restrictive laws as well.
***SLOW DOWN!*** I realize you are trying to plan for the future, which is fun, but things are still new and over time, a lot of these things will just work them selves out. There are times when too much planning can set you up to be disappointed or cause anxiety in everyone and that can damage the relationship. Relax and let the relationships develop and unfold naturally for a while more.