Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe
I fear cowboys/cowgirls - I do (I admit it). I fear cheaters in poly clothing. OTOH if someone like NYCindie (solo, poly, thoughtful) showed up with an interest in one of my partners, I would welcome her with open arms - meet her or not on her terms, be friends or casual acquaintances as our chemistry and her comfort level allowed - as long as she were clear with them what her terms ARE. Most people (and I am not just talking polyfolk here) are NOT AT ALL clear about who/what they are or what they are willing to offer to a relationship. They don't know their own boundaries and are unwilling to consider the boundaries of others. I have worked hard on this myself - my boundaries are broad but firm. You can develop WHATEVER kind of relationship you want/can with me or my partners - over time, with consideration. What you CAN'T do is dictate that they (my partners) change/end their relationship with ME.
I don't want drama. I don't want anyone to get mortally wounded/traumatized. I want people that I care about, and the people that they care about to feel loved and cherished. I don't want to be sacrificed on the altar of poly to accomplish this. I am willing to undergo discomfort and hard conversations - but ultimately I deserve to feel loved and cherished as well.
OMG! IF you keep writing such great quotes I'm going to have to start stalking you.
(j/k-I'm too busy to stalk anyone).
I highlighted in red the part of me that seems so hard for people to understand . I really have no hard and fast boundaries. To me they are all negotiable (though I've been accused of it). But, I am so sick of dealing with people who say they want one thing-and do another, or say they don't want something only to do it behind my back.
I don't give a SHIT if the "thing" they said they wouldn't do is something I personally agree with or not-as soon as you said you would not do it-you owe it to me NOT TO DO IT until you say otherwise!
DRIVES ME NUTS!
cowboys are too fucking prevalent. Sad but true. Ignorance is bliss at times I suppose.