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Old 08-02-2012, 01:38 PM
JimBoy JimBoy is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
Default Discovering Poly, first night alone fears

Hello everyone, I will start with a background story before getting to the stuff I could use some help with.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now happily. A few weeks ago we went to a music festival with a friend of hers and my girlfriend and I wanted to propose the idea of a threesome to her. She approached her and asked if she could kiss her, she said no and laughed it off. We decided to hold back on asking her for a threesome but later that night while we were sleeping the friend came in kissed my girlfriend while we were in bed together. I was awake but eyes closed as not to alarm anyone since it seemed to be very secretive.

The next morning they both pretended nothing happened and in the days following they spent some time talking about it without my knowing of their meetings. I knew something was happening but I was being lied to, my girlfriend admitted to me after I questioned her about her strange behavior that her friend had developed feelings for her and according to my girlfriend they kissed but nothing else happened during their meetings. We had a good long talk together about it and it seems that they both have never felt any emotions or sexuality toward other girls but they are both developing feelings for each other.

Before I even learned about Polyamory or what it is I told her that if she wants to explore this that I am willing to let her. I have a very liberal attitude and given specific circumstances it seemed like a rare opportunity for both of them to explore these new feelings and sexuality's, so I told them to meet, talk, discover, and that our dreams of a threesome can wait because of all this. I only requested of her that we be completely honest with each other and not hide anything or it would ruin both our long loving relationship and their new found feelings at the same time. They talked together again and my blessing seemed to calm their fears of ruining any existing relationship. But they wanted to wait until all three of us could talk together to go though with anything.

in the days following this I did a lot of looking around to see if I could find anyone in a similar situation as mine, and behold! Polyamory! It made me feel so much better to find out about this world of people that can have multiple loves and work in a safe ethical way as not to hurt anyone. I shared this information with my girlfriend and her face seemed to light up and she seemed interested and relieved. I have found this forum particularly useful to help me solve though the details of something like this, which is why I am here posting this to you kind folks.

Now here is where things became tricky for me and where I could use help;

The other night we all three gathered to talk about our thoughts to the friend who does not know of our Poly research. Though the conversation went well we never specifically mentioned Polyamory to the friend because she is leaving in a month and thought we did not need to introduce new stress. We talked about how I will be fine and they can go explore these new feelings, in fact I encouraged them to spend time together and that I could take a trip away for them to be alone. It was nice when the conversation was over, I think they had no more fear of getting between me, and I felt comfortable that they would communicate with me. We all ended up spending that night in the same bed and out of nowhere a threesome sexual encounter (first time for all three of us). I am happy to say that the night could not have been better, we all had a great time, spent equal time with each other, cuddled, etc... That was the first time the two of them had been with other girls in bed.

The next day they came over again in the evening. This is where things got weird for me. I told them I know they wanted some time alone together, and I wanted to give them that time alone. The friend has too many roommates and I did not want them to have to spend the night elsewhere for money like a skeezy hotel for something like this. I offered to sleep in the other room while they spend the night together. I really wanted them to be together for themselves, my girlfriend came into the other room to make sure I was again OK with this and they went to the other room together for the evening.

Within minutes I became overwhelmed with anxieties, fear, but not necessary jealousy because I wanted them to be alone with each other. My heart raced, I was sweating lying down, and having a really hard time sleeping knowing that they were in the other room having sex and spending the night together. I tossed and turned and over-analyzed until the friend left the next morning and my girlfriend came in to lay with me. I was able to calm down after that and she tried to console me but was still confused about her feelings with everything. I reassured her that I want them to have time alone together, and I really do. But how do I get over this horrible feeling I had that night when I was alone in bed. I want to be able to relax and not worry and allow them their time without the urge to bother them.

The other tricks are that our place is really the only feasible place for this to happen, so I will always be very close to where they are having sex and spending the night so much so I have to avoid going in and bothering them. Also the friend leaves in a month and I want them to have time together, but not so much I feel left out. And lastly and weirdly we all enjoyed sex together as well, and want to do it again, how can we mix this into things without going overboard?

Thank you all for reading this long drove of mine, the last two paragraphs are where most of the fears and problems lie.

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