I wanted to send you a hug. And to say that the crying, sobbing out loud stuff that means pulling off the road or going to the bathroom at work is, in my opinion, a fairly normal reaction to the grief of loss.
I've been doing tons of that this year - my Dad died after a long, stressful illness at the start of this year. And even now, I find that things suddenly trigger strong feelings of loss and bouts of intense crying. And not just about Dad - I sometimes find myself crying over my dog who died at the start of last year after a long, stressful illness. And even over a romantic relationship that ended 9 years ago.
I very often feel terribly lonely (something which has caused problems between my SO and I) even though I am far from alone. I have a huge network of family and friends who help and support me. And an SO who loves me.
I'm taking the crying and the feeling lonely as a normal part of the grieving process and trying not to worry about either of them. I feel that whatever happens, things will be okay. This is just stuff to be gone through.
This may be the same for you. I hope the time and space gives you and you hub a chance to think and come to some conclusions.