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Old 08-01-2012, 03:51 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 713

Originally Posted by mv1976 View Post
I'd say that it seems like at least part of him has grown attached to the idea of something longer term with you. It might be worth talking about to figure out where his feelings lie in that regard, and where yours do.
I'm overwhelmed by the depth of his feelings. He's said outright he wants it to last forever as it is now. My feelings are not so clear. I enjoy every minute with him. I don't want my time with him to be over at the end of the evening. But he's married. I refuse to let myself fall in love with him. Right now, I'm VERY content with the situation--with having plenty of free time for a job I love and my children who need me, I LIKE having my own home and my own bed and don't have a desire to change that right now. If I knew I'd feel this way forever, I think I'd feel the same way he does. But realistically, I know I'm not likely to feel this way forever. I'm less than a year out of a divorce and never went looking for a boyfriend or to date. Five years from now, I expect I'll feel differently.

What about his wife? Is she involved in any conversations of this nature? What is their agreement (if they have an explicit agreement) about relationships outside their own? Is there any possibility that you might be able to have something more permanent with him without him ending his marriage?
She is more polyamory than he is. She has a boyfriend of 4 years and I believe all of them (she, the boyfriend, her husband) are very happy with the situation and hope it's a lifetime thing. I think more permanent for he and I would really only mean continuing as we are. Our lifestyles are far too different to ever consider a thing like moving in together.

Having been on the other side of something like this (as the wife of a man with a girlfriend, until recently...) I can say that it may be threatening to her if these feelings / ideas of something more long term between her husband and you are in contradiction to agreements or expectations they might have. After you talk about it with him, assuming you're interested in exploring something longer term, or just getting on the same page about this, I'd talk with her, also.
I don't think it's an contradiction of their agreements. They've had an open marriage for nearly two decades.
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